Lifestyle May 2021

Who Is She?

The intention for this blog was to talk a little bit deeper about manifestation, and the things going on in my life as a result of manifestation, but I just want to point out the hilarity in the title of this post. For those of you that don’t know, I’m in the process of changing my last name. I say “process”, because it has been an entire two months of drama. Let me just tell you a little story about that, okay? Manifestation can wait until tomorrow. First off, the court case was easy, until they asked for my marriage license. The marriage license that went in the trash, post-marriage… Who the hell would want to keep a keepsake of a failed marriage? Weirdos. As I’m panicking on Zoom with a whole JUDGE watching me, calling my ex-husband, who’s three hours behind me in time, hoping he has something I can use cause he’s way better at paperwork, he pulled through with a picture of the license and my name change was granted.

Now, you’d think that I’d receive the documents necessary to change my name, in the format that I need them, right? Wrong. Instead because I went to “Zoom Court”, I got an email with my court documents. As someone who’s never exactly CHANGED HER NAME IN A COURT CASE, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I printed off ten copies of my court document, all of the applications for my license, social security card, passport, banks, and other accounts with my Salisbury name on it. This. Is. Normal. Procedure. And I started sending things in, and making changes.

The bank, car, etc, were all super easy to change. Throw my court case their way, and they switched it and flipped it. Easy. Then, I start to get my documents together to change my license. I realize that my social security card is missing from my safety deposit box. Again. I tear apart the entire apartment, and come to the conclusion that for the third time in my life, I have thrown away my social security card. Ya’ll, that absolutely says for the third time. My mom almost killed me when I was a teenager for doing it, and then I did it two more times… I’m an idiot. Welp, luckily for me, the form says I can also bring in a W-2, so I figured I’d be fine.

As I’m looking at these forms, they say the following:
-To get a social security card, you provide the original name change document (not the email that THE COURT SENT ME), a license in the NEW NAME, birth certificate, etc.
-To get a license, you provide the NEW social security card, mail in my new name, and birth certificate
-To get a passport, you provide the new license and new social security card.

In other words, How the hell am I supposed to get any of the three of those, without the other ones? It’s been a trip. So I take everything I have to the BMV (which is Indiana’s DMV, because they can’t name it something normal apparently), because the Social Security office is closed, and passports are all via mail. I wait for an hour and a half, get to the desk, and the woman tells me she can’t help me. When I explain to her that I need these documents to get the other documents, and it’s been a mix up, this woman stands up and yells “JUST BECAUSE YOU BRING THE WRONG FORMS, DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN SWINDLE YOUR WAY TO GET WHAT YOU WANT”. I said “Oh, Okay”, and just stood up and walked out as 100 people are silent and looking at me. Ya’ll. I just went to my car and cried in the parking lot, cause what?!?!

The next day, I call the social security office three times, and get hung up on three times!!!!! Then they tell me I need the original document, to be able to get a social security card. When I explain that I did Zoom court, and received a document by email, he says “I frankly, do not care what’s in your email inbox, I will not issue you anything without a certified copy, do you understand?” Which, that was a lot of fun, loved that response. Maybe he’s married to the woman at the BMV? And I get it, I’m sure they get five thousand calls a day about stupid shit, but I am just so confused, I didn’t know where to go from there.

I finally found the records office in Indianapolis, but they said that they have limited hours because the world is in a global pandemic. So, now I have to find a time to go and get this copy, which, the woman on the phone told me may or may not take three hours to certify, before I can take it home. Once I get that, I’m going to call the social security office and ask for STEVEN, and then tell him that Frankly, he should care what’s IN MY HANDS, because I have a certified copy, and while I’m at it he can CATCH THESE HANDS TOO! Then, I’m going to find Sandra, over at the BMV, and THROW STEVEN AT HER, and then get a new license. And I’m going to be a bad bitch in the picture, middle fingers and all.

In other words, the government would prefer I kept my married name.

With all of this being said, I plan to use this to my advantage. On days when my manifestations go well, I’m happy, and living my best life, I’d like to be referred to as Jen Fairbanks. When I make you mad, am a raging bitch, or make you annoyed with my presence, please direct your attention to Jen Salisbury, as she will eventually be going away.

Until next time, xoxo, Jen & Jen.

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