What the hell happened to my life? I went from blogs about having the best life ever, being so happy, and starting to 75 Hard… to currently sitting on my floor, two broken nails, and a paralyzed face. Yeah… It’s been a month.
So Mercury is in retrograde, which basically means that the planets are moving backwards, and often times it’s when a lot of things in your life go awry. You aren’t supposed to travel, make big purchases, change jobs, etc. That’s the crystal baby in me, that is coming out, but the planets don’t LIE! I was thriving at the beginning of retrograde. Truly felt like a million dollars, getting good sleep, good workouts, doin’ the damn thing. Truly, I was killin’ the first eleven days of the 75 Hard, and I was still working full time, and then all of a sudden, life came at me fast.
Mercury scooted itself backwards, right into my face. I have Bell’s palsy. Yeah, Bell’s palsy. At first, I was convinced it was an ear infection. I got put on Augmentin, and the pain never went away, and the face drooped further. Once I realized it wasn’t sinus related, I started falling. Luckily, we’re sitting in day five, and I’m over the sad girl schtick I had the last two days, and I’ve now kinda embraced my weird droopy face.
On Tuesday, I woke up with a little tiny twinge of droop on the left side of my face. By Wednesday all the way through today, it’s reached full paralysis. That ain’t cute ya’ll. Luckily, my eye shuts, which some people’s don’t ever shut. Also, she blinks occasionally, which means I’m an extra credit diseased woman… So, I should be able to avoid the good ol’ eye patch, and shouldn’t get any infections…
Bell’s palsy doesn’t have a one-size-fits-all cause. It’s main trigger is stress. It can also come from sinuses (which is what I thought I had). Basically, the main nerve on the side of your face can become pinched, rendering you paralyzed. Almost always it’s temporary, but for an undetermined amount of time. You can really only massage it, do physical therapy, and manage stress to help it come back to normal. I chew gum, and touch my face constantly, I quartz roll it like five times a day. Sometimes I yell in the mirror, practice saying the letter P, and pretend my face is normal for just a few seconds.
I wish I could determine where it came from. Not even a doctor could tell me. My only guess is that focusing on the 75 Hard may have stressed me out. I truly don’t know, but that’s the only thing I was hyper focused on. I mean, maybe that was the universe saying “be faaaaaaaat”??? I could have had a sinus infection like I thought, but waited too long to get meds. I could just have gotten it randomly out of no where, and this is my life now. I know that the Covid vaccine, botox, and my filler did not cause this, and two minutes on Google can tell you the same.
It’s one of those things that initially I could have let me spiral. I could be spending all day crying (and I haven’t cried ONCE), in my head about losing my smile, and living my life feeling bad for myself. I will say I was sad, but spending time with someone who’s also had it, has helped me tons. The first couple days, I really felt hideous. How can someone who got vaccinated so she can go outside and smile at other humans, feel okay with her temporary smile? It’s not cute having a mouth that looks like a damn Nike symbol… Just last week, I took a picture smiling, and I felt so gorgeous. I was so pleased and felt so comfortable in my skin. Now, I take a picture every single day to monitor how much further my face gets from “normal”. I want to say that it breaks my heart, but I don’t think it is. I think it builds it. I don’t have the option for failure here. I refuse to spend my life hidden because I’m not my “conventional beauty”, that I was a week ago. I’ll learn new exercises for my face, to strengthen it. I’ll learn new poses, so I can still be myself on the internet. I’ll strengthen my muscles, and massage until I no longer have finger prints, and I’ll stretch and move and I’ll be back to Jen Fairbanks in no time.
I understand that this isn’t a stroke, cancer, or something detrimental to being able to live my life. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a real disease or disorder. I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me, because it really could just be so much worse. Good Lord, if I can talk about everything else, I might as well talk about this. Luckily for me, I’ve got the most badass support system. My best friends have been checking on me every single day, hyping up my selfies, and making me feel like it’s “not that bad”. Man friend is a gem and a half too. My mom has been distracting me with dog pictures, and in true Mike Fairbanks fashion, he left me on read.
I feel okay, today. What a bizarre thing to happen to me, huh? Still thriving’ though.